Seven Losses

I am going to share with you my story of multiple losses and all of my hopes and dreams for my angels. I do have to say this...I do have two beautiful children here with me! I thank God everyday for these two blessings in my life. Please...cherish every day with your family and friends! Life is too short and you never know when you will see them for the last time. Always live like this is the last day with them. That is what I have learned from my angels. They have made me a much more caring and compassionate person. I never realized how much I took for granted!

My Name is Lisa and my husband's name is Matthew. We have been married for almost 3 years and we are parents to Vanessa and Matthew. We also have 7 angels in Heaven.

All of my babies were lost due to miscarriage.
It is a very hard story to tell(as any would be) It saddens me to think that most of you reading this are also parents to angels. Always know that our angels are watching down over us.
My first loss was when I was 18. It was three years after the birth of Vanessa. I didnt think much of it at the time and didn't want to deal with all of the feelings with the loss of my baby, so I just tried to block it out as much as I could. Yes I was sad that my baby was in Heaven but I was also very happy to have Vanessa in my life. I didn't want her to see me in pain. I went on with life like there was nothing wrong. I went to college and 3 years later I met the man I am now married to.

We were together for a few months when we found out that we were expecting our first children together. yes I was pregnant with twins and we were both so happy. The miracle of two babies at once made me the happiest person on earth.
It was so exciting to be adding to our little family .
Over the course of the 4 1/2 months I was pregnant, we were making a lot of plans. We were very much in love with each other(and still are!) and we were making plans to spend the rest of our lives with each other.
Then came the sudden news... It was Sept. 4 and I wasn't feeling so well. I ignored it and shared in the excitement of my daughter's first day at her new school. Later on in the day, I was feeling worse and was having some cramps. I called my dr. and I was told to come in just to make sure things were ok. I didn't think anything of it!
After laying on the table for a while, i asked the tech. if everything was ok. She was very quiet and was concentrating on the screen. Not a sound cam from her. That is when i started getting worried. The dr. was called in and all I could think of was "what is going on?"
I remember these words so well:
"Lisa, I am sorry.... your babies no longer have a heartbeat."
I couldn't believe what i was hearing!
Was this for real? Am I dreaming? How could this have happened? These were our children!
How could they have possibly been taken away from us so quickly? That was the worst day of my life. The next few days were such a blur to me.
A few weeks later, I was able to somewhat live a "normal"life. Whatever that is!
At the end of Oct. of 1997, I was feeling very sick and always tired. I just wasn't myself and I passed it up as the flu or just not back to my old self yet. i waited it out for a few more days and then I knew something wasn't right. I decided to take a test....just to make sure i wasn't pregnant.
Well the news floored me as did my husband. I was pregnant again!!!!!!! I was so happy to know that we had another chance to have a baby together. I was so full of happiness and joy. Yet at the same time I was so sacred and worried.
Is this for real? Is this really me that is having another chance at adding to our family? When i went to the dr., she reassured me that everything was ok and we were going to have a new bundle in our arms. It didn't take away the fear that I had but I was able to trust my dr. On Christmas Eve of 1997, I got engaged and i couldn't have been happier. Finally, I was blessed with two very exciting changes in life. A wedding and a new baby!!!!
During the next few months, everything was going well. As each appt. came, I became a little more relaxed and I knew in my heart that this baby was going to make it.
We slowly started preparing for this baby and we also knew the sex so we started to pick out names. We decided to name our first son after my husband...Matthew. He truly is a gift from God!
As we were awaiting the arrival of Matthew, we got married on May 23. Another very happy day in my life!
To make a long story short, Matthew entered this world on July 19, 1998. The happiest day of my life! I never cried so much when I heard his first cry!!!! We had a few close calls when I was pregnant with Matthew. A few times his heart rate was low, there were times I didn't feel movement. But with prayers and my faith in God, things turned out well. Matthew is now a happy, healthy, and very energetic 2 1/2 year old. We love him so much! What a blessing he is to have him in our lives!
After the birth of Matthew, I decided it was best to go on birth control and concentrate on raising my children. I was on birth control for 1 1/2 years before we decided it was time to start trying for another baby. I was scared at the thought of possibly going through another loss. You can't help but have those feelings. It is always something that stays in the back of my mind.
We started trying for another baby in Jan. of 2000. It took us 6 months to conceive. We were blessed with the great news at the end of June.
Sadly, we lost the baby due to miscarriage in Aug. We were so devastated!!! Again, we were faced with such intense grief. How could this possibly happen to us? We tried to move on as best as we could. I still had 2 children to raise and I didn't want them to see me like this. I hid a lot of the feelings that I had and pretended to be happy. It was difficult to put on a smile and continue with life's daily routine.

I got pregnant soon after the loss and ended up losing that baby also. In my heart, we felt we were expecting a baby girl. We named "her" Kayla Rose.I was experiencing recurrent miscarriages. I got angry and was wondering what was going on? Why was this happening over and over again. I began to have testing done to try to find the cause for all of this heartache.

While we were waiting for test results to come back we again got pregnant. For some reason, I thought this baby was going to make it. We began to make plans and get excited. I wasn't so sure how I was supposed to feel. I tried to remain calm and we prayed a lot. The first dr. appt. went well and I began to have hope. The happiness in knowing I was having another baby didn't last for long though. I had another miscarriage in Dec. This was so very hard to accept. I kept thinking will we ever be blessed wirh another baby? This was a very difficult time for us as we were also faced with a death in the family just 2 days prior. My dear grandfather went to be with my little angels. I sure hope they are having a grand time in Heaven. It must be some party up there!
After the miscarriage in Dec., I got very depressed and started thinking about my future. I thought about my babies a lot and tried to make sense out of all of this. I also started thinking about whether or not I was going to have another baby. I feel so incomplete and long for another addition to our family. Oh what a joy that would be!
At the beginning of Feb. I wasn't feeling right. A possible pregnancy was in the back of my mind but I didn't pay attention to it. I was afraid to get excited. i was afraid to have my hopes and dreams shattered again! I finally gave in and took a test. And sure enough! I was pregnant again! Can this be for real? Will this pregnancy result in a lifetime of joy and happiness? Once again, this feeling didn't last too long. It has been just over a month since we lost our 7th angel.
We have also just gone through the due date of our Aug. angel. It has been a very tough road to travel. I do have to say one thing...it is because of my precious angels in Heaven, that I have so many loving and caring friends. I have met many wonderful people that truly understand and know what I am going through. Many friends have sat up with me at night talking to me online. I have received so much support. Without these people, I don't know how I would get through this.

I have also started to make websites for sad families with the hope that I can help sad families with their loss and grief.
If you are reading this and you have an angel(s), please seek some support. There are many wonderful online support groups run by women who have experienced a loss. The links to these groups are on my links page. Please feel free to stop by and join a group. Nobody should have to go through this alone.

If you would like to have a website made in memory of your angel, please email me and I will be happy to do this for you. My e-mail is: winniethepoohct.aol.com